woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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