ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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