i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
