Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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