I hate your face
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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