i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
