why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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