I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
id be glad to
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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