he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Be still, my beating vagina.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
