i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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