i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
