I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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