you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
