I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
