I'm jealous of your bromance
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
