Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
