I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
