She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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