It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
