Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize