Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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