May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
