On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
