The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
