Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
