Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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