Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Everyone says I win the strip club
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize