there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
