we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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