I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize