One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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