The maid of honor just puked.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
