If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
