Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
