I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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