you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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