Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
