Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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