Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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