whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
