The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
