How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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