No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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