Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
