I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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