we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
