I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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