last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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