where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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