Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
