grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
