Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
pop tarts are not kleenex
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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