hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
