Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
