the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
