I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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