I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
