i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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