Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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