You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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