Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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