Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
