he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize