I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
