Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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