the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
