Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
