chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
