I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
