Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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