i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
