So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
