HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
