im about as happy as oj after his trial
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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